Thursday, May 7, 2015

Is It Gratitude If I Want More?

It's such a pretty day today.  The sky is blue and filled with the sun's bright light.  Spring grass is everywhere and the blooms of life anew are seen with every step taken outdoors. Spring is a time of fresh beginnings, revival from winter's dormant sleep.

In my heart, I am hopeful of positive change.  I'm taking measures to effect positive change in my life. Things are going so very slow.  The change that I am working toward and feel will be mine, however, is not so quickly forthcoming.

I am trying not to grow impatient.  What I ask for seems most times to be impossible to gain.  I want a good job, with nice people, without being too far for daily travel.  I need it to come with decent health care.  I desire that the job pays me enough to cover my expenses, as well as allow me to save for the future, and still be able to vacation at least once a year.

I also want to live in a single-family house, so I don't have to deal with hearing my male neighbors upstairs and their primitive grunts as they are having sex. I don't want to come home any more from long hours of work and traveling, enter my home and be subjected to listen to music, televisions, and video game sounds blasting throughout my living room, from my neighbors.
 I want to breath without smelling cigarette smoke or feel sick because I'm inhaling my neighbors heavy second-hand marijuana.  Unfortunately, my current circumstance is what I just listed.

I'd like some outdoor space so that I can do a bit of gardening. I wish to feel the wind's breeze and the happiness the sun infuses in our skin. I wish to see the birds that I hear outside my window.

Having these things would give me a bit of peace and relieve a lot of my stress and anxiety.  Don't get me wrong, I am making the most of the situation I have.  I have a place to rest my head, a job, and parks nearby to enjoy.  I appreciate what I have.  

So I wonder if I am truly grateful for the blessings Jehovah has given me, or if I am being selfish, greedy even.  I know if I do not have drive, or ambition to accomplish great things, I will be left with settling for mediocar.  I keep thinking of the people lacking the necessities of life.  There are people in worse living conditions than I have.  Right in my own country, city and neighborhood, there are people living with a lot less than I have, and yet they are content, some even happy.  

Still I want more.  Perhaps, because I have had more.  Sadly even then I did not appreciate what I had, because I did not take care to do what I needed to ensure I did not lose it.  I was careless with my spending.  I didn't see the importance of consistent saving 20% of my income. I didn't budget well and I wasted too much.  My poor habits are still with me, though I am aware of them, and work at positive change in me.

So where does satisfaction and contentment stop and greed begin?  Where is the balance of contentment, and wanting better for myself.  I hope you dear reader have some insight to help me.  This delima, I fear is holding me back from the hustle I need go accomplish my wants and dreams as I stay complacent with survival.

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